I just finished reading Unlearning Perfectionism by Arun Prasad. Holy smokes was it a phenomenal read.
When I was a senior in high school I used to say “if it’s not perfect it’s not good enough”, up until a friend of mine who is a concert pianist told me that was a terrible attitude to take. I decided that I wasn’t going to think that way any more and that was the end of my stint with perfectionism.
If you just laughed out loud at my naïveté, you are sharper than I was! I can’t count the number of times in the last few years I’ve had an existential crisis including something along the lines of “I failed at something, I’m completely worthless” or “I am not helpful, I’m worthless”. Businesses, pilot training, new baby. Fortunately, the best part of reading the essay was realizing I was accidentally already fighting it.
When I hit that wall and was on the edge of quitting/failing out of pilot training, something clicked. I don’t have to be able to do everything on the first try. I’m of course not perfect at this yet (which is an amusing thought), but that realization has made it so much easier to do my best. On days when I want to code and organize business and clean the house and and and, I can totally do that. On days when I am worn out from studying and crying babies and I just want to watch TV with my wife and snuggle the baby that is finally asleep? Also OK.
I also realized that Air Force pilots are the biggest bunch of perfectionists I’ve ever seen. And while that makes for great pilots, it’s also extremely hard on them - especially the students who are undergoing one of the most intense training programs in the world. Maybe someone should talk to them about that.