This last week my wife started having some problems that we quickly identified as a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). She gets more UTIs than every other women we know put together. Tuesday night she started feeling some urgency, but ignored it because she was sewing and didn’t want to stop. Wednesday morning when I got up at 6 am to go to work, she woke up and sat on the toilet where she remained pretty much the rest of the day. In addition, she started have some blood in her urine which, if it isn’t obvious, is potentially a Very Bad Thing, especially when pregnant.
I texted a friend of ours to help her out, but that was all I could do before it was time for me to go mission plan. Just to brag on her for a bit, she proceeded to call the medical group, nurse advice line, her OB, and several people to help take care of her and our daughter. That’s a huge step of progress for her and I’m very excited.
However, that’s not the point of this post. As I was heading home, she asked whether she should text the Relief Society (women’s group at church) group on Telegram to try to get help from more than our usual two or three people.
I keep thinking about that. One of my wife’s pet peeves is the lack of community and “realness” in church. Everyone seems to be pretending or at the very least being very superficial so that they can avoid talking about the real problems they face. So my first thought was to text the group so that they can see someone being real, talking about their problems, being vulnerable, and asking for help. Sure, we had people that could help out, but the point is to bring people together.
I didn’t know how I felt about that thought. Here’s the thing: I study leadership and I try to practice what I learn. But I also am very touchy about manipulation and am very aware of my ability and the human tendency toward it. So the question I keep asking myself is: where is the line between convincing someone with leadership principles and manipulating someone into a certain behavior?
Well, manipulation implies dishonesty: lying with what you’re telling them, hypocrisy of your behavior, or misleading them as to your intentions. Leadership is open, honest, earnest.
If we texted those women with an exaggerated story, or tried to coerce them with demands that they have a “duty to serve” us, then it would be manipulation. Telling them that we need help, even telling them that we are sharing because we want to foster more openness and love in the group, would be a great example of leadership.
Leadership doesn’t have to be a big thing. It can be as small as asking for help if people around you need an example of vulnerability or an excuse to serve. And as long as you are honest, open, and well-intentioned in what you’re doing, don’t stress too much about “being the bad guy” or coming across as manipulative. Just do good and be your best and you’ll be fine!